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Liv and I have been friends for a number of years. Our friendship is based on a number of common interests. However in many cases we are extremely different sorts of girls. I am the blonde to her brunette, the disorganized to her organized, and the crazy to her sane. Our biggest difference is probably how we handle relationships. She is for the most part cool and collected. She’s the type of girl that guys get angry with for not being crazy enough. Me, well, I’m crazy. So that’s why I’m writing this entry as the flip side to her earlier post: A case for moving up the “Crazy-Hot Scale”.

Now Liv already explained the famous Vicky Mendoza Diagonal, originally proposed by Barney in an episode of How I Met Your Mother, basically demonstrates that your crazy should be directly proportional to how hot you are (or you are in trouble). I’ve spent most of my dating life perilously walking the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal. I’m like a tight-rope walker with far too many sequins and far too few clothes.

I am not always aware of being that hot-crazy girl, and I generally feel that my behaviour is justified and not crazy. However, upon reflection I often come to the revelation that I really cannot deny that I can sometimes be bat shit crazy. I have been that girl that left 20 voicemails when you he didn’t answer his phone. I’ve cried during sex; this was not a one off event, I’ve cried during sex more times than I can remember. I cried in the middle of sex last week. I was that girl who wanted him to commit way too early, I was also the girl who didn’t want to commit when he was ready to commit. I had sex because I was bored not because I found him attractive. I’ve cheated. I want to have sex in public, and I especially like to have sex while he talks on the phone (I just enjoy watching him trying to control himself and hold a conversation). I was the girlfriend who irrationally hated my boyfriend’s female friends (sometimes the male ones too). I was also the girl who made ultimatums about guys staying in contact with their ex-girlfriends. So not all of my crazy is bad, but mostly it’s not good. I’m the bad kind of crazy, and I got away with all this crazy by being hot*.

When “the Ex” broke up with me he told me “She’s not hot like you. Actually she isn’t even in the same league as you. But hey, at least she isn’t F******* crazy like you”. So “the Ex” was a jerk, and I firmly believe that because most of my female friends including Liv practically threw a party when I broke up with him. However, in hindsight I’ve had to accept that a great deal of my behaviour during that relationship was crazy. I cried constantly, I would live him countless voicemails and text messages if I didn’t hear from him in 12 hours, I screamed, I once scratched him across the face so badly he told his friends he’d walked into a tree, I went through his computer looking for pictures of his ex girlfriend. I’m not proud of those days, and I do put a great deal of my behaviour down to our unhealthy emotionally abusive on-again-off-again four year relationship. Unfortunately, once the crazy wakes up inside a girl, it can be difficult to put it back to sleep. When I get into a new relationship, the crazy is just waiting to find an opportunity to rear it’s head.

The Flying-Englishman once told me, “you know a guy will put up with a lot from a girl if the sex is good and she’s a hottie. Doesn’t matter that much if she’s half crazy if he thinks she is hot.  Just remember, every guy has a line”. He then went on to tell a story about the crazy girl his friend “was banging”, who apparently upon being asked by his mates why he was putting up with her behaviour he responded “you have no idea how amazing she is in bed”. I didn’t realize at the time that he was giving me a warning. I dated the Flying-Englishman for around 4 months before he suddenly ghosted me. Just stopped answering my calls, and I never heard from him since. My friends have different theories on why he ghosted me, claiming he obviously had another girlfriend, but I know that he just couldn’t handle my crazy behaviour. I crossed the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal.

Earlier this year I was informed by a guy that “nobody wants to f*** a crazy woman”. However once I started acting sane again he was pretty keen on the idea. I’ve also been told that I “drive men crazy” and I should “calm down”.

I’m happy that the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal has been working in my favour. I’m hot enough that I literally get away with being crazy. However, nobody wants to put up with crazy forever. But crazy is something I can fix. Perhaps it’s time for me to fall on the sane side of the diagonal. I often go to Liv, my sane and grounded friend**, for relationship advice; too often, I receive a knowing smile and some sort of diplomatic response “Lil, don’t you think you might be over-reacting”, “Well that sounds very dramatic!” or “If that’s what you want love, I can’t stop you”.

I am trying to convince myself that my crazy behaviour is within my own control. It’s time for me to take a more reasonable, sane approach to my relationships. ***

-Lillian

*I’m not sure how much I consider myself to be hot, does anyone ever really look in the mirror and think they are all that (Unless they are Narcissus)? However, I can’t deny that men and women alike tell me frequently that I’m beautiful/hot/cute. So I just work on the assumption that I’m hot.

**Liv really is the loveliest, sanest and most grounded girl I know. Any guy would be lucky to have her as a girlfriend. She’ll kill me for saying that, but it’s true. She’s also hot, even though she denies it.

***My recent revelation might also be largely to do with my first experience of dating a man who is also walking the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. Liv says we “sound as dramatic as each other”. But I really can’t handle all the crazy. So if I want to find myself a nice sane guy, I should perhaps calm myself down also.

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